If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
