My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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