before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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