Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
