your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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