Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
