did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
