whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
