She's JV to your varsity
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
