What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
