flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want her autograph on my taint
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
