I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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