bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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