stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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