Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
