omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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