I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
