do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
