Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
