its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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