I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
