honey bunches of taint.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
