happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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