Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
