Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
