Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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