So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk is a universal language darling
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
