my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
