I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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