A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
