either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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