i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
