Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
