She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
