My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
