No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
