If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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