dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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