now i know why i became what i already was.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
