Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
