Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
