1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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