I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
