Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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