babies were throwing up all over the place
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
