Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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