Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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