I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
