dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
