oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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