It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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