I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
