dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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