I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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