Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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