He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
