Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
