Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
